Broken

Broken

 

It seems to have stopped working

Time continues to pass

Hands are still searching

But you have passed.

 

Broken

It stopped working

Time passes

Hands search

But you are gone. 

 

 

 

 

In this poem, I love having the reader think that I am speaking about a broken clock. When in reality it’s about a broken heart. The language used is to provoke how time, still passing, clock hands, still moving (searching), but towards the end, I say you have passed. The technique I used to revise and edit my poem was “cut to the bone.” This was a little difficult since my poem was already short. I love what I ended up with. 11 words cut more profound than the original 18 words. I also did not like repeating the word “pass” twice in the original.