On my wedding day, my best man said to me “Paying for a wedding is like buying a brand new car off the lot and exploding it as soon as you drive off the lot.” I laughed so hard because of the timing behind his statement, is that it was too late for me. We had just spent more than a year planning for these 24 hours. The entire wedding felt like it only lasted 2 hours. Then it dawned on me, Why is it normal for a marriage to become so over the top and expensive. When did it become ok to overspend on invitations, flowers and those favors that end up in the trash that night? The time, effort, tears and money all piled into that car that just exploded.
The first thing you think of when a wedding comes to mind is “tradition.” Weddings always have this “ancient” feel about them in regards to the traditional ceremony, dress, vows, cake, bridesmaids and so forth. Vicki Howard writes in her book Brides, Inc “The wedding industry began to take shape between the 1920s and the 1950s. The first thing that came to mind is that year that the campaigns began, 1920. That’s saying that 100 years haven’t passed yet and here we believe that weddings have always been like this. Who is behind this commercialization you ask? “Bridal magazine editors and etiquette writers, jewelers, department store window display artists, bridal consultants, fashion designers, and caterers invented new consumer rites and promoted higher standards of wedding consumption.” (Howard, 2006) Those who profit created this reality of overspending as a fake tradition. Weddings were meant to be within the couples means and never focused on overspending. The white wedding dress followed after Queen Victoria’s wedding to Prince Albert. But only the elite could afford it. Dresses were practical colors like black, brown or gray. Baker writes “After Queen Victoria’s and Prince Albert’s wedding, the color white resembled wealth and social status.” (Baker, 2018) The tradition was introduced into the mainstream elite high class by the Queen, and it would be a while before becoming “affordable.” But is spending $5,000+ on a dress affordable in any reality?
In 2016, Consumer Reports sent shoppers to investigate if there was a particular mark up for just mentioning wedding and found that prices inflated 28 percent of the time when the affair was a wedding for the same services offered at a regular party. (Stanger, 2016) Not saying that this one report is the end all be all, but I believe it’s well known that you are overpaying for the same service just like buying flowers on valentines day. Weddings can be informal and still create the same result, a great afternoon spent with those you love. This event systematically overcharges you to display your wealth when you don’t need to. The same report stated that they surveyed 464 Americans, 44% drew from saving while 11% took out a loan. (Stanger, 2016)
It’s not about the money. It’s not about the gifts. It’s about confessing your love to the world and proclaiming the start of your lasting marriage, right? So let’s move away from expensive displays of wealth to people, who if they cared about you, wouldn’t require this display. Let us have more informal weddings where we gather to celebrate love. Celebrate truth and not money.
A Teacher. A Writer. 